Case Study
by Oro
Summary: He knew a guy whose face he still cannot escape when closing his eyes or opening them, because it is always there. It was short, sweet and when it was over, it just wilted, shriveled into a tiny ball of pain in the back of his mind.


Case Study

Author: Oro

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Ha. As if Aaron's Jeremy and Danny ever would.

Archive: If you must

Notes: This is totally for Tory.

He knew a guy once. He knew a guy whose face he still cannot escape when closing his eyes or opening them, because it is always there. It was short, sweet and when it was over, it just wilted, shriveled into a tiny ball of pain in the back of his mind. Always there, never enough to mean anything.

And Abbey doesn't know; Abbey, who pretends to know everything. That's all he thinks about nowadays, his head stuck inside a toilet like a nervous tick he just can't turn off. The vulnerability of sitting there, on the dirty floor, trembling constantly, makes him more fragile than he'd like to be. He knows he's just another case study for psych 101 and that just pisses him off sometimes.

"I mean, I'm a person. I have feelings," he tells Casey when he's better and can actually speak in complete sentences.

"Sure you do," Casey replies, but his gaze doesn't reach the point of Danny's eyes.

It's too difficult for Casey; the joking about something so serious, so taboo it doesn't seem as though it should be subject of jokes but can't help becoming one. The tiny wrinkles in the sides of his mouth deepen as his mouth stretches into a light grin. He can't help thinking about toothpaste (the one he saw Danny using when he just walked into the men's room).

Dan decides to drop the subject.

"It's not you," he told Danny, "it's me." And it was such a big lie that if it hadn't been so sad Dan would've just sat right there and laughed until he cried (which he did later, minus the laughing part). That was 1993, in Dallas. Different time, different place, and what Danny surely doesn't need, is a reminder of their joint history. Yet he managed to come back, and so did the nausea he tried so hard to get rid of.

But Jeremy is the new guy and they never talk about it, because Dan has the advantage of more years with the Sports Night crew. He can't help thinking, though, that some backup wouldn't have been too out of line, when he's reminded that he is the only person who has something against this guy no one's even heard of before the day he started working for CSC. So instead he just staples Jeremy's things together in a juvenile impulse, which by all rules makes them friends. And he so, so doesn't want to be Jeremy's friend.

He even helps him get Natalie in some lame attempt to show that he's completely over him. In fact, he wants him to be happy. Happy with Natalie is what Dan wants Jeremy to be. It's so simple, and Natalie doesn't mind. And then Dana goes and calls Jeremy "Danny's boy" and ruins everything: he's back to square one.

It hurts, seeing him with Natalie, hearing her quietly murmur Jeremy's name when they think nobody's looking, or when she thinks everybody's looking, or when neither of them cares who's looking. She thinks it's incredibly sexy, or maybe it's just a part of who she is, and sometimes Danny can't help hating her for it. Dana says, "Look how happy he makes her," and Danny understands completely, because it reminds him of when he used to be this happy.

And his body cringes in sudden nausea every now and then, when he's just too weak to bear the sickness of having to see the one guy he truly cared about with somebody else. He'd hate himself, because it isn't Jeremy's fault at all but his own; (too possessive, too childish, too ugly, inside and outside). Casey starts to think Danny may be anorexic but Danny laughs it off, ironically; he sometimes wishes his problem would be as easy as an eating disorder. Sitting there on the dirty floor, he can't feel anything but sick and old; (too old to be this fake).

Abbey would probably tell Dan that his problem is not showing his feelings; that he is directing them inward instead of outward, and that he hates himself because he loves Natalie and Jeremy. He thinks about it as he looks at his own face closely in the mirror beneath the unflattering light, where all of his blemishes are suddenly visible to the naked eye; then he knows better than Abbey.

He flinches as the door suddenly opens, and finds himself in an awkward, semi-casual position. And that guy walks in with that face and that voice and those hands (that body Danny wants to stab and ravish at the same time); and his mouth twitches into an uncomfortable, apologetic smile as he moves aside, making his way towards the door.

"Thank you," Jeremy calmly says, ignoring Dan's attempts to escape the small room.

Danny freezes, "you're welcome."

"For helping me, I mean," Jeremy clears his throat, "with Natalie."

"Oh, right. Yeah. No problem." Dan says, if only because there's nothing else he can say.

"Yeah, that thing is not on anymore."

"With Natalie?"

"Yeah. She broke up with me."

"Why'd she break up with you?"

"Because I'm uncool."

"You're not uncool."

"I'm extremely cool."

"Yeah, that."

"No, actually, she broke up with me because I'm a liar."

"Oh. That's a shame." Dan says, not even bothering to deny Jeremy's words.

"Yeah. I just… it was important you'd hear it from me." Jeremy replies, a decisive finality to his tone of voice.

Which is when he grabs Danny's arm and pulls him closer to him with a surprising level of strength, and Danny's just never thought Jeremy could be quite so mean; because they have an agreement, though it's never been said out loud, never to bring up certain things that should not be brought up.

"Jeremy," he sighs into his co-worker's face, "what are you…" but Jeremy's lips just cover Danny's mouth, stifling his weak objection. (And all he can think of is how smart he was to brush his teeth just minutes earlier). The familiar taste of Jeremy, that he'd never think would be on his tongue again and the smell of his body only enhance the exhilaration and urgency. He can't help falling in love with the sensation, over and over again as Jeremy's kisses prolong, his tongue searching for Dan's, their bodies leaning against the door. He finds himself falling in love with Jeremy, unhealthy as it may seem, too many times per minute.

But then there's a sudden knock on the door, causing them to stop. And for a moment, Dan gets confused again, slow-witted, unbalanced. He looks at the floor, at his reflection in the mirror, at Jeremy's reflection, then Jeremy's face. He examines Jeremy's face, the redness of his lips and the almost-invisible dampness next to them, and he knows he's won this round because Jeremy's expression remains disoriented while his own has already turned sly.

"I missed you," Jeremy whispered to him, earlier when they were kissing. And when Dana asks Dan and Casey if they knew that Natalie and Jeremy broke up, he tries to act surprised.

FIN


End file.
